Monday, November 23, 2009


I don't know what it is that makes people tick. Probably the need for social attention or the lack of can apply to all sorts of humanity's basic needs.

It's kind of weird if you think of it....People swarming together, congregating in masses like insects in a colony, just to survive and connect. Seems a little outlandish to think that way, but true. I always thought to myself, "Why is there such a need to be out there in the world? Being face to face, on the phone or online, so many ways to connect...Why do we need to be together?" It wasn't so hard to think up the answer: Need.

It's the need to be with someone after your loved one has passed away. The need to be around family around the holidays because you miss them. The need to be comforted when something go wrong. The need to share your happiness "just because." The need to have a conference with the boss because something came up for a project. Then there just "the need." A primal instinct that drives all of us.

I find it funny that people in relationships would also need to fight about things. To some, it's a normalcy, and to others, a headache. Maybe part of the reason why is because of the way people are raised or their beliefs. Mainly, it's because they're emotionally needy...At least, that's what I think. I could probably go on and on about this topic, but why would I have to? There are so many variables that relationships are based upon (including Astrology and the Chinese Zodiac) and so many books based upon it, that I don't even have to say a thing.

But why disappoint? Anyone loves a good love story.

Wistful wishes, I suppose. Everyone wants to be with someone. Actually, it's more of a need. Humans weren't made to isolate themselves from others. It drives them absolutely mad. Why do you think some have done suicide? Resentment and ostracized by their own peers pushes them to do so. Some who survive don't ever stay the same.

When you finally come to terms with yourself that you're okay, there are always other issues at hand....Issues that need to be fixed. Especially when you seem to think to yourself that everything was fixed is -well, on many occurrences- not fixed.

How can you fool yourself by saying, "I'm ready." When, in fact, you cannot step through the door. You need help. The anticipation kills us for not knowing what is out there. You, yourself in mind, falter from determination, and the last fragments of doubt linger teasingly in your ear. The area that you are in currently becomes a wonderful temptation, a comfort zone.

I may be young and still have my hormones to think about, but I miss the companionship that a relationship offered. Online friendships don't even come close to filling the gap. Text messaging doesn't even come close to any physical sense of being. Reliable, yes. Fulfilling, no.

So lost in the need for companionship, I forgot who I was.

But after thinking about it. I don't really need anyone. Right?

Friday, November 20, 2009

To do or Not to Do, That is the Question?

I don't know where to start when it comes to writing (or rather typing) in my blog again. It always seems a hassle to even try starting a new topic. I can't really say, "OMG! It's been soooo long, I'm soooooooo sorry guys!" That's kind of...1990s. Haha.

Anyways, to keep an update, I'm currently tending to my studies. I've finally decided to stick to a business degree. I found this very stimulating. I've always wanted to own my own business. But then again, doesn't everyone?

Speaking of which, John and I have discussed for quite a while about making our own business. I liked the idea at first, but once John started to push for the website deadline, I wanted out. Even now, I'm considering to make it out on my own. It might not be morally right, but if I want it done right, I have to do it myself. Right? Since I'm "helping" with the business and not really owning anything, I may be getting the short end of the stick here; Phil and Marc says so, too.

You can't promise stocks or royalties when nothing has been established yet!!!

You can't give empty promises when you don't even know the outcome either!

At times, I feel like I should just do it myself...but then I start getting self-conscious and I start feeling guilty for even thinking about it. But then again, I really want to do it myself. Either way, I'm going to start a business off.

Damn Marc for being right....

Saturday, September 12, 2009


The glass door that lead to the outside patio is covered by blinds. I'm completely enthralled...It's as if the world doesn't exist outside this white box of a home. Still, plastic will not block out the sounds and the noise of traffic. It's a bad type of tease for silence: winking at you as it passes through a crowded room. She convinces you that you're her type and then once you're hot, she'll leave you burning cold.

Stinks, doesn't it?

Apparently, life goes on that way. And without the sexy, red-headed siren....Well, let's just say life would not be as interesting as it is.

Dull, bleak, and no sex appeal....Isn't that how the world works? Everything revolves around sex. Those who aren't....experienced within this field would either fall, give into pressure, revert to online MMORPGs/card games/D&D, or join a convent. The majority of this populace find solace in fantasy online lives and find pleasure in the decapitation of enemy hoards and claiming booty.

Unfortunately, those are the people I hang around with for the past three months. I really need to get out more....

And as much as I like to hang out with my friends.....pixelated images do not really satisfy my need for a more personable, social experience. Though, only one thought occurred to me: Safety.

Their lack of socialization, unusually high intellect for technology, and low knowledge of the female species gave me a safe haven away from all the "stupidness" called hormones. As of now, it's not working.

I'm getting frustrated.

But I have to confess something....I actually like the nerd type in a guy. The intellectual side of a man turns me on (besides the toned muscles). I'm such a sad person....Either way, a man is a man, and I'd be stupid blind to not notice anything nice about these kind of guys....

Monday, June 15, 2009


1. an act or instance of connoting.
2. the associated or secondary meaning of a word or expression in addition to its explicit or primary meaning: A possible connotation of “home” is “a place of warmth, comfort, and affection.”
3. Logic. the set of attributes constituting the meaning of a term and thus determining the range of objects to which that term may be applied; comprehension; intension.

It's funny how events seem to even out through time. I had a friend of mine visit me today, he still hurting from his broken relationship. Playing his guitar and wallowing in self-pity, I knew what he was thinking to himself: "Why didn't I do better?" Since three days ago, he occupied himself with work and...well, learning guitar.

Now, I wasn't so sure if it was a good idea to let him inside in the first place.

Laying there, he reminded me of myself all those years ago when I broke up with my boyfriend. Screamed, cried, sobbed, and begged for another chance. Now that I think of it, it was so embarrassing! But, when you're in love, you'd do anything to get the love back. Such a sad sort of unrequited love...That's for another time, though.

Now, John, my very best friend, sat in my living room staring into space as he strummed the guitar, every one in a while going out of tune, "Why can't I talk to him?"

Yes, my dear reader, "him." It's not a typo, if that's what you're wondering. Why else would I let an upset man into my own home to play guitar? Mmmmm, you have a twisted mind.

The connotation for "love" is so broad that you might as well wrap the entire world three times around with them. The hurt, pain, betrayal, and recompense...all apart of the "cycles" of love.

I hate it. Love sucks.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Piggy Pandemic!

As far as everyone is concerned, here in America or anywhere else in the world. I find this to be...quite troublesome. Since last week, this new Swine Flu (or the Piggy Pandemic as I'd like to call it), has gotten on everyone's nerves. I'm only calling this irritating because it seems that the news is breaking this to be a lot bigger than it actually is.

But to even understand why everyone is concerned, we must look back into history, my light-deprived friends...

A century ago, in the year 1918, an interesting virus caught the whole world by suprise. Originally, The Spanish Flu killed over 50 million people worldwide...

Amazing what a little virus can do.

Schools are starting to open again; but parents are still frightened of letting their children back into school. Now, if 50 people died in one city because of this, I has reason to be concerned.

This is merely an advanced type of flu. =( It's so irriatating. It's nothing to be scared of. Just keep yourselves clean and all will be fine. But if you ask me, we should have been fine in the first place if only EVERYONE practiced healthy hygiene.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

An Ode to Newton

Often times, I deem myself unworthy of such transposition. In my state of mind, I always have believed that every action there is a reaction as quoting Sir Isaac Newton on his behalf. As so, the same is implied to what some call "karma." Similarly, "what comes around, goes around." Same concept.
Whether gravity may pull a falling object from the sky, there is always an upright position. Conclusively saying that opposites attract. Again, the same concept. It can also depict thought of good versus evil; namely, a balance between entirely two different things.
This teetering and totering seesaw can be aclaimed as the perfection of life. Whenever one side teets, the other must tot in completly different direction to assume this "balance." Maybe that is why there is no such thing as peace of mind. One can only relax against the pressure for so long before the pressure starts to bend back.
Even we can call it human emotion; it is a gravity that pushes and pulls us rather than being in a polarized situation. It is nature to have the strong and the weak together. One cannot strive without the other; it is merely tolerable. Without triumph, one cannot learn the feeling of failure, nor can one learn to push without being pushed. In any sense, one cannot fall in love without knowing the pretenses to sorrow. They will not know how to treat one another when the other is of absence.
Even with the beginning, there must come an end. Hence, the black hole theory. Within its reach, life has been sucked into an abysmal nothing only to produce another life-cycle; a wheel, if you will. A wheel that would always turn until the time is right. Just as there will be a baby born in turn for someone who dies. But to start anew? That, my friend, is an entirely different story.
For the reason why I bring up such disdainful seesawing effect, I regret to say that life, in itself, will always come out short. Many a night, there will be times you regret your actions and many times you've wished conceding defeat. All philosophy aside, human emotion-rather complex and undoubtfully erred-it gives us a feeling of self-accomplishment when overcoming obstacles. And those of us who hadn't, scummed to a life-sentence of reliving such horrid emotions. Many of those seek solace in the after-life since, for obvious reasons, they could not find what they were looking for on earth. Unfortunate ones, they are...
To find such an imbalance can only happen in time. It can create a shift in reality in all or none. But need I remind you again about the black hole? When a shift occurs, there is always a need to balance out the overbearing weight on one end. So, of course, there will be a major slide pressing one to another. It's only a matter of time till the balance completely tips and needs to be refilled-equally-again. Think of it as a buoy tied by rope to an anchor slightly heavier in weight. By tossing both overboard, you can see that neither can go up to the surface nor down to the bottom of the depths. Namely, a sense of balance and equality. But harshly put as a way to go nowhere. The buoy will always try to reach the surface and the anchor will always pull to the bottom and neither will achieve a goal.
Whether or not you get my meaning, I'd have to say "thank you" to Sir Isaac Newton for the wonderful discovery. Naturally, he only stated the obvious and thinkers and philosophers alike applied it all to the human nature and mother earth. The same theory applies to all life; but, fact's such a bitch!"

Ever Heard of Differentiation?

It amazes me how people can be so -how can I put this lightly- abnormal. In no way there can be such a thing as normal; however, "normality" is what the peoples are used to. When I say "the peoples," I'm not just referring to the "American way", but as well as the "Chinese way" or the "Jamaican way." There is not one way to live life. Naturally, humans congregate and create a way of living, which may not be the same as another group.

This would also relate to beliefs and religions as well, breaking down the large groups into something similar to platoons. Though, this discussion would come in later at another time.

Similarly, lifestyles would as well fall upon this subject: extroverts and introverts alike, some more daring than others and some more confident. The extrovert is deemed as the confident, adventurous type socializing at a level with many friends and is highly popular. Whereas the introvert is seen as the bookworm: shy, not quite as popular, and tentative to meeting new people. Thanks to teen movies, these are seen as sterotypes.
However, it may not be the case.

For example, if an introverted person, like myself, cannot find enough courage to bungee jump off a bridge to experience the thrill, then would it be any different if I were to jump on a roller coster and ride it three times for the same thrill? Of course, I won't jump off a bridge, but I will go on a roller coaster. In (my own) theory, a person with the personality of an introvert does not necessarily entail an introvert's lifestyle. Heck, an introvert may like bungee jumping more than I would!

This also leads me to wonder how people who seemed like the successful person two-three years ago is now a failure? I recently talked to an old friend who was in this position, and I had to ask what happened. He said, "Life."

Wouldn't "lifestyle" be the cause?

Friday, April 24, 2009

In the Abysmal Depths of Gray

How often do you think about how well you slept last night? Whether it be a bed, futon, couch, or something else entirely? A hammock maybe?
Believe me, there are so many places to sleep on. But in my case, I slept on a couch. Not just any couch, my dear friend. A couch that sinks while you sat on it, your bottom sucked into the abyss called a sofa.
Imagine trying to sleep on one for three months; would you know what happens? Your back starts to curl and ache and sweat from the worn gray leather. It was bad enough it was cold these past few months, but imagine when summer hits!
Since my little sister left yesterday to Anaheim, I thought I'd try out her bed since I had back aches from the 20-year-old, gray, butt-sucking couch. Took me three hours to sleep. I wasn't sure if it was because it was the 3-inch memory foam, or the lack of heat, or the flat pillow that crooked my neck at a wierd angle (or maybe all of these). Sleep was out of my grasp.
At the moment, I'm yawning like crazy!
But in the morning, when I got that good five hours of sleep, I woke up sweaty, my skin burned from heat. Apparently, with the strange loopy weather we're having, it was extremely hot in that tiny room of hers.
It was on the second floor. FYI: heat rises, especially in a small was more like a greenhouse inside! Hated it so much that I started cursing myself for even sleeping there last night.
As for tonight, the butt-sucking couch will be my only friend until then.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

No Pain, No Gain!

I amused myself this morning with the wonders of snoozing. After hitting the hay at two in the morning, I found myself rudely awoken at six-thirty, appalled at the lack of sleep. I've forgotten my little sister was on her way to Disneyland with her classmates for the CMEA festival and I was dragged out of bed by my feet.
When I saw her out the door, I slept for another hour before dragging myself out of bed again and prepping to run. If you haven't read my personal information at the side bar, I love to run.
Since March, I've had a regime where I was to wake up early in the morning and run half a mile every day. At first, I was groggy, my lungs burned and my muscles cramped up so badly that I cried. Now, I can run the half mile with out so much trouble with very few stops. This little fact is so encouraging that I promised myself ice cream at the end of the month!

My Goal: Run a half mile without stopping.

I hate to admit though, I stopped running for a couples days at a time, and each time I paid for my slack. It was horrible. I cursed myself every time I stopped to walk, which was frequently, and I felt a charlie horse always creeping up on me. I'm still a beginner at running so breathing is still hard for me to control. Every breath I took, I felt like passing out, so I try to breathe in deeper, but my lungs can hardly hold the fleeting oxygen.
While still trying to learn the ways of "professional running" (it does seem like a career), I found I hardly lost any weight until I realized what food I was eating.
Now for those of you who are Roman Catholics, there's a certain amount of time where we stop eating meat until Easter called Lent. This "lenten season," as the priests love to call it, find this as an excuse to forgo other worldly things. Such as: spend less money, take the bus rather than the car, stop smoking, or walk to stores close by. Dieting, in Lent, is no stranger to us Catholics. Plenty of people stop drinking coffee, soda, or cut certain snacks out of their daily life during Lent can extend out of this religious practice and continue this uplifting change throughout the rest of their lives...or until they succumbed to their habits.
For the past seven years, I've stopped drinking soda, or more specifically, Coka-Cola. So this year, I thought it was about time to cut soda off completely from my lifestyle as well as coffee. I was addicted to all the caffeine in the coffee. Now let me tell you that cutting that off from my life in cold turkey was like a drug addicts worse dream. I was always groggy in the morning and it was harder to get up from bed. Add this to my running regime and you get one hell of a wake up call. I was drowning in pain!
But I'll tell you now, I don't really regret cutting off these things from my life. I don't really need all the sugar and caffeine (unless I'm diabetic, god forbid), and I'm still young so I'm just extending my life by healthy eating and drinks (with the right portions). I even eat salad a few times a week, and I've gotten my mom stuck on my cranberry vinegarette salad dressing that I whipped up myself (I'm very proud of the recipe).
I found that also taking certain drinks or medicines can clean out your system. My mom gave me this drink that was imported from the Philippines (apparently, you can only buy it there), called ABS tea. Though I don't know what ABS stands for, but I found out after I tried one cup of this green tea wannabe. I was running to the bathroom an hour later and through my head rang the words: Absolute Bull-Shit. Talk about a thorough cleaner!
I may be no expert at all this health practices and diets, but my advice to you, my readers, is to read up on what you want to do before you even try anything. Look at reviews on gyms, certain foods, restaraunts, certain exercising routines (I like to do Tae Bo from time to time), and try to keep track of what you eat or if you're like me, just be mindful of what you put in your mouth. A friend of mine told me that I could eat whatever I wanted, just as long as I can put the aquired time to expel all the fat I ate. You know, a type of balance.
Seems like a lot to learn, huh? Either way, just enjoy what you do, it'll be more fun and worth your time. Like they say, "No pain, no gain!"

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Conveniently Starting to Give Way

As this being my first of many posts online. I may have to consider the penalty of exposing my secrets. After all, the privacy button doesn't even exsist. But, if you think about it, why bother even trying to keep a secret online. Ever heard of a diary? It's made of actual paper binded together with glue and pasted onto a hard cover. You write in it and lock the book away where no one can find it but you.
With the convienience of online access, it's hard not to indulge oneself with its easy use. Even YouTube subscribers use this opportunity to "blog" about their lives, called vlogs (video blogs). I may be slightly behind the mainstream hippies, but at least I know when to keep to myself.

It's amazing how people can throw themselves out there to the public eye like a sixty-year-old man streaking because of a mid-life crisis or lack of...Probably going through dementia already.

Interestingly enough, I even find certain things online quite nostalgic. On Twitter, there are people posing as Star Wars characters going through their daily lives. Being a fan (a not so hardcore one), I followed Yoda and Darth Vadar. Their 'twits' give me a good laugh to start off my day; even CNN keeps me informed to what's going on around me. Convenient, but not necessary.
Email and posts online keep tabs on everyone. It makes you wonder if the government keeps tabs on you. Behind the scenes, the government is behind all the work and all the conspiracy. Reminds me of a South Park episode I watched where it spoofed the 9/11 tragedy where Cartman blames Kyle for the conspiracy.

"The world's biggest conspiracy of all time is finally uncovered when Eric Cartman exposes the true culprit behind the September 11th attacks." - South Park, Season 10, Mystery of the Urinal Deuce.

Come to think of it, the episode is so stupid, it makes sense in a weird, twisted way. Hmmmm....I'll have to twitter this.
Anyways, thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it even though it's short. I'll be more enlightening next time if I find something to grind on. Till next time!

Oh yeah, before I forget, all comments are wecomed!